Shhh... top bikini tip off post

Okay so we're months away from anything even approaching acceptable bikini weather but this offer is too good to miss.

I must admit I was fairly peed off to see my gorgeous nautically styled red and white striped bikini from French Connection in the asos summer sale (the set is now £18 from £40) until I realised that their other gorgeous designs are also part of the price crash.

I quickly ordered this one which I think is going to look great with metallics, browns, crisp white and denim. Basically MY WARDROBE. I love these bikini tops because they have lined pads which make your tits look a bit bigger. Always good. They also have wider tie straps so they don't dig in as much and 'back fat' bulge is reduced. (Note 'reduced' not 'gone').

Alex Reid's Fake Tan

God damnit the ONE night I actually go out and do something with my life and I miss Big Brother Gold. Or rather Big Brother Bronze... with a hint of orange? Alex Reid getting his firm, naked buns sprayed. Admittedly the man has the charisma of a tea towel, but it's a great view and one can not deny his commitment to the self-tanning industry is to be admired.


I digress...


I wanted to highlight that if any girls (or guys) out there would like to replicate Alex's tan (and to be honest it is very even and a pretty good tone), that I think he uses Fake Bake Airbrush Spray. Apparently it's very effective on bum creases.

Make-up snobbery

For me foundation is the most crucial item in my beauty bag. I have a mix of dry and greasy patches, uneven skin tone and the occassional spot. I find there's a lot of snobbey when it comes to skincare products and foundation - like it's okay to get your bright lip colours and eye shades from the cheaper stands, but for your 'base' you need to invest.

I was someone who went along with this philosophy - I used to use Max Factor, Estee Lauder double wear, even Chanel when I was airport shopping drunk (unadvisable), but I can honestly day this foundation is better than them all.

Sure if you like a tide mark round your neck and coverage so thick it gets stuck in your eye creases then go for a brand that comes in a glass bottle and costs a score. This foundation is light, easy to apply and gives your skin a glow through the day rather than a flat powder-y finish. And check out the glowing reviews on comparison website Ciao!

I have just bought a mineral pressed powder from the same range which I'm trying out so I'll keep you posted on that.

When bad fake tan happens to good people...

There's nothing worse than preening and pampering for a big event only to realise at the last minute you have gone seriously OTT on the fake tan. You've gone past Wilhelmina Slater, way past Jodie Marsh, even further than David Dickinson - you are now Ronseal Woodstain... in walnut.

What to do in such a crisis? Just grin and bear it. Pose for photos with pride. Perhaps even wear a whitey pink lipstick or stand next to pale people to show just how unbothered you are. Then share your humilation with genius facebook group "I'd rather be a little orange than deathly pale" and remember no matter how bad you look, at least you don't have skin cancer.

£2.39 for clear skin

Zindoclin, clindamycin, benxoyl peroxide, Minocin... when it comes to Acne preparations I have tried them all - and experienced all of the horrible side effects. Dry, itchy, bleached skin? I think I'd rather have acne!

The best product I found - and I would recommend it to anyone - is Distilled With Hazel. It is usually located with the first aid products, rather than skincare and is often sold out. I usually buy a couple at a time from the Boots website.

Use the clear liquid as you would a toner. Pour some onto a cotton wool pad and wipe over your face. Some people may find this too drying and may prefer to dab onto problem areas.

Even now my skin has improved I still do this a couple of times a week to keep my pores squeaky clean.

The best thing about this product? It's total natural - made purely from the witch hazel tree with no artificial perfumes, fragrances or additives.

Pastel nails

When you buy a pastel coloured nail varnish it never looks the same on your nail as it does in the bottle. Even if you apply 4 or 5 coats you will still be left with an uneven finish.

In particular if your nails are all slightly different lengths like mine your white tips will also vary in length. I also have a penchant for fake tan so my white tips are stained brown and even with pink nail varnish still look yellow-y.

If you want nail varnish to look truly even and professional you need to approach it like you would a wall and give it a base coat. The white colour that you would use for your tips in a French Manicure is perfect as it opaque and matte. Apply one coat of the white to the entire nail thinly to start. After that you can apply your pastel shade - pale pink like here or beige for a camel-coloured shade I like. I like to apply this coat when the white is still slightly tacky so it almost 'picks up' the white colour. Allow this to dry thoroughly before applying one final coat of the colour to finish. A chip resistant clear top coat too if you can be bothered.

Another way to create this effect is to pour a little of the white into your coloured nail varnish. I love Boots' natural collection because they are just so cheap - less than £2 - and have really good brushes to apply with. Also I don't know if it's because they are in a smaller bottle, but they don't tend to go as thick and lumpy as some more expensive brands. I'll upload my top tips for the perfect French Manicure soon.

Welcome to my Little Black Book...

I decided to start this blog because I often find myself being asked beauty questions. How do you make curls with straighteners? How did you get that much volume on top? Are they acrylic nails? (they're not).

That probably sounds a bit up myself, but in fact the reason why I'm such a fan of the beauty industry is because I would be nothing without it - a real plain jane.

My love with make-up began when adolescent acne kicked in. I perfected the techniques to cover up spots and disguise greasy patches, even now I have never met anyone able to apply foundation more flawlessly than I.

Eye shadow techniques were something I learnt on my first girl's holiday. A friend of mine who worked on cruise ships performing in the shows explained to me about eye shadow palettes and colours to suit my eye colour. Don't worry I don't trowel it on like a drag queen - an important thing about learning to apply make up is learning to keep it minimal.

I am now a beauty PR executive who moonlights at weekends as a podium dancer. So by day I'm learning about skin conditions and product ingredients and at weekends I'm applying experimenting with wild and dramatic - almost theatrical - looks.

I also want this blog to be a fun space all about incredible clothes I've seen or celebrities I'm currently in awe of.

Enjoy!